You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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