I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
