I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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