Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
