The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
