You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
