i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
a search helicopter?!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
