Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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