My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
