You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
