I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
