Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
