Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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