i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
