oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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