I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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