I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize