there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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