I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize