Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
