the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
