I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
