I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
