This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
