who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
