last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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