My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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