Your tits are I can't wait for
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
either way he was missing a nipple.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
