I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's not a walk of shame if you run
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
