from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He did a backflip because drugs
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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