i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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