I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
