I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
