I cockslap morals
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
well most of my day revolves around power hour
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
