im about as happy as oj after his trial
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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