Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My balls are so social today.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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