If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
