hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
