Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Your cock deserves a montage
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
