this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
