Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
