Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
