I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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