It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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