if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
