I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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