i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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