Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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