I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
