I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
