girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
