The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
