Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
