Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
