Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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