omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Drake has all the answers
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
