who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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