I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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