How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize