I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
