why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
