Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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