the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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