Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
