Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
