There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
