Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
