So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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