Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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