Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
