Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You took a bar mat shot.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
