i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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