You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
