I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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