we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
